Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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