Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
We're too hungover to prance.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
