My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
