The maid of honor just puked.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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