I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
