I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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