Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
im on a boat
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