I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
