i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
