Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
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