Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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