I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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