My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
