singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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