I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
