I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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