I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
