Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It's shark week go big or go home
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
