can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
