I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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