It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
