OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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