I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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