it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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