I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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