Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
