And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
