And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
