my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
