mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
God I need to hump something, right now.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
