whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
