I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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