Soap is not a condiment
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize