Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
