The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Can I color on your dick again?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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