im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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