party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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