Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The Olympian is in my bed
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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