no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
