if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He uses pillows to masturbate.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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