Pants 0. Shit 1.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
