All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
