I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
