You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
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We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
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I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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