I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house