Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
