I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
