is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power