shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants