The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
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pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.