thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
