He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
