I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
