Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
