i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
