But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
