WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
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When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
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People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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