a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
