my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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