i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
