the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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