she was so not down for the gang bang
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
