They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
