what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
