Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
