I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
grandma shit on top of the toilet
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize