I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
