I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
