I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
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Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
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I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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