A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
