I seem to have left my pride at pride
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
