his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
