Kiss
Puke
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
