I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
