let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
